Second Chance Ministries
Who needs them? Who
wrote them? Who will listen? Who cares?
The Minister who cares and wants to improve
himself and keep his congregation growing...Also the
Minister who believes in
2 Tim 2:15
15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a
workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the
word of truth.
I (Chaplain Al) wrote them from the last 27 years of my ministry.
The person who listens will benefit, the person who puts it
into practice will improve and the person who improves will
have a congregation seeking a deeper relationship with God
through Jesus Christ his son. Isn't this what God called you
into the ministry for....?
I care that the man behind the podium speaks
correctly and intelligently directly to the congreagation
bringing the word of God to the believer and non-believer in
a manner that would please the Creator of the Universe.
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avoid.........while speaking to your Congregation...
1. Using ("ah") the word (folks) the two
most repeated words in speaking history (you know) and (you
know) and (you know) don't say that..... because I don't
know, I am here to be taught...
2. Keep your stories and jokes short , if you
have to tell one...... you are not on stage to bring
laughter to an audience. The preaching of God's word is
serious business not monkey buisness.
3. Speak directly to your congregation, not
to your wife, girlfriend, or pulpit
committee. Use eye contact from left to
center, center to right, right to center again and repeat.
4. Slow down, you are not in a race to see
how much you can say in a certain amount of time.....It seams the younger you are
the faster you speak... remember that you want the
congregation to understand not try to keep up.....
5. When is the last time you really listened
to one of your sermons?.....this has to be a must...you
should listen as often as once every two weeks...this way
you will know if you are picking up any bad speaking
6. Are you using the old sermons from the
other churches you served?? why?? this rule should be in
effect. one old, four new, one old, four new....
7. Use your head when preaching not your
habits.....here is what I mean...suppose you have a small
congregation.....and you know that 99% know the Lord Jesus
Christ as Savior. Why do you keep preaching the same type of
invitation over and over again......God wants you to feed
his sheep not bore them to death.....Give them some
meat......Bring the word of God into todays events that deal
with the working and living habits of your congregation
through the life of Jesus Christ. Let the Holy Spirit have
His way with your congregation by keeping yourself and your
habits out of the way. 8. When is the last time you had
your-self video-taped? do it....Its not just good enough to
have your wife tell you how you look and sound. If you want
to improve yourself and have God pleased with your ministry
tape yourself in video.......
You now have 8 ways to improve yourself and
your congregations walk with God.
Over 54 Bonus tip's are
to improve your
Week of September 23RD,
through September 30TH, 1998
"Let me ask you a
obvious question?" NO!! and who is it obvious to? If its obvious why
would we have too ask a question????? JUST ASK THE QUESTION PREACHER!!!!!
Week of September 16th,
through September 22ND, 1998
"Can't say enough
about that"What kind of mumbo jumbo
If you can't say
something about something but, you still want too,
you have a problem!!!! Try this, "let me elaborate on the
Week of September 9th,
through September 15th, 1998
"right off hand"Help!!
Did something fall from your hand or did you use a cute
meaningless confusing metaphor. Why not try "at this moment"
and keep your hand on the word of God.......
Week of September 2nd,
through September 8th, 1998
"you will bang out
your life"PLEASE tell me preacher
what does that mean???? Jesus came so I might have life,
abundant life, eternal life, nothing about banging
life.....I ask once more, WHAT DOES
THAT MEAN?????.......Clarify don't
Week of August 25th,
through September 1st, 1998
"This is a true story"What
else would I expect from you preacher??
Fiction in church????? We
have enough fiction in the White house don't let it enter
Week of August 19th,
through August 25th, 1998
"To a certain extent"O'BOY! Just
what does that mean? A fixed distance? A definite what
brother WHAT?? A certain degree of extenting your brain power is
needed in your approach to preaching the Word of God.....Drop that expression!!!!!
Week of August 12th,
through August 18th, 1998
"You are dead wrong!"WOE!!!
Someone tell me what that means. Am I dead?? Am I wrong?? If
Im dead how can I be anything!!! I believe you are
wrong and I hope not dead!!!!
Week of August 5th,
through August 11th, 1998
"Let me give you the
benefit of the doubt" NO!
NO! NO!! How can
any doubt have a
benefit???? My benefit would come if you would
think before you speak!!! Benefit all of us
loose that saying!!!!
Week of July 29th through
August 4th, 1998
"If you really want to
know the truth" (O'boy
get me some water!!!) NO, I came to church today to be lied too!!! WHERE is your mind????? Do
you ever listen to yourself????? Keep that saying out of your
Week of July 22nd through
July 28th, 1998
"Allow me to read a
story to you" NO!! allow
me to read a story to you is the same as saying allow me to
be your Pastor!!! Are you not the Pastor???
Then act like the Pastor
and read the story!!!!
Week of July 15th through
July 21st, 1998
"Throws me for a loop"WOE!! I
hope you didn't get hurt! Next time hang on to something!!
Corn ball phrasing distracts the through process of the main
subject!! STOP IT!!!
Week of July 8th through
July 14th, 1998
"Lets go to the Lord
in prayer"WHAT!! You go I want to
God is here we do not
have to go anywhere...You go I will stay and pray!
Try this, "Bow your
heads as we pray together"
Week of July 1st through
July 7th, 1998
"Its kind-na on my
mind"What!!! Its either there
or its not there! How can I benefit from such a halfway
teaching??? No such word as "kind-na" Grow up preacher!!!!
Week of June 24th through
June 30th, 1998
"Yes that's pretty
much true"WHAT is pretty much???? Is
Is it much??? How much
was pretty about it???? Nothing pretty about your
phrasing... STOP IT.. It is either true or false!!
Week of June 17th through
June 23rd, 1998
"I had to think for a
minute"WOW'' what do you do for
the other 23 hrs and 59 minutes daydream???? We want a
preacher who thinks all the time...Loose that terrible
Week of June 10th through
June 16th, 1998
"Bow your head in
Silent Prayer" What??? O' help me up!!
Prayer is talking with
God not thinking to God! There is no such prayer as a silent
prayer! Bow your head for a moment of silence is correct!!!
Week of June 3rd through
June 9th, 1998
"My favorite verse of
scripture is" WOE!!!
Who are you? Your are putting yourself before the
word of God!!! If you are conducting a survey on scripture
verses I apologize, anything else is contrary to the
delivering of GOD's word!!
GOD's word does not need
to be influenced by you or anyone GOD's word alone
Week of May 27th through
June 2nd, 1998
"From what I gathered" What are you a farmer, gardener, or a
We do not gather the Word
of God we study and live it.... If you have to gather
anything gather some common sense!!!
Week of May 20th through
May 26th, 1998
"You hit the nail on
the head" Are you
building or preaching??? Leave the tools at home just bring
the Sermon!! Jesus was the carpenter and you are the
preacher!!--PREACH & TEACH don't
BANG & POUND!!
Week of May 13th through
May 19th, 1998
"Turn over with me"NO I'm
not laying down!!! I'm happy the way I am, you turn
over by yourself!!! Yes it is silly STOP IT!!!
Week of May 6th through
May 12th, 1998
Is it clear now?" Are you teaching, preaching, or giving the
The question is a little
foggy!!! Try this instead, Do you understand what I am
Week of April 29th
through May 5th, 1998
"Let me tell you this"What
have you told me before??? Just keep speaking do you
need a reminder that you are speaking ? I can hear you
and I do know that you are speaking. Stop the double
Week of April 22nd
through April 28th, 1998
"Something like that" Something like What?? Stop with commentary that means nothing and preach the
Word of God which IS SOMETHING!!!
Drop the phrase "Something like that"
Week of April 15th
through April 21st, 1998
"It just boils down
to"WHAT?? are you cooking or preaching?? How could you ever
boil down the word of God!!! Think about it!! Leave the
cooking at home and preach the word of God at church........
Week of April 8th through
April 14th, 1998
"Im just a country
preacher"O' Stop with that
philosophical statement, or is it philosophical? Is it that
you want to be liked? or forgiven for any mis-quoted
theological points. Find a reference to that statement in
the Bible (Im just a country preacher) and you may continue to use it!, otherwise
forget who you are and concentrate on who Jesus is!!!!!
Week of April 1st through
April 7th, 1998
"You know what I mean"NO!! I Don't and I don't
care. I want to know what the Bible means, I want to know what
God means, I want to know what Jesus means, I want to know
what the Holy Spirit means, but I do not want to know what you
mean......preach and teach but do not philosophize...
Week of March 25th
through March 31st, 1998
"Do you understand
what I am saying?" NO!!
I understand what the Bible is saying and
so should you... I am not here in church to understand
you....I am here in church to understand what God is
saying.......Do you understand???....
Week of March 18th
through March 24th, 1998
But I think not too
much Woe!!! Did you hear yourself??? I'm sure
you did not mean that did you???? Please think
Week of March 11th
through March 17th, 1998
The truth of the
matter is What would be the lie of the matter??
and what is matter anyhow!! it doesn't matter! loose the
matter....all this matter just makes me madder.....
Week of March 4th through
March 10th, 1998
The short of the long
isWhat does that mean???why do you insist on confusing me. When you do this
you cause me to miss the next two sentences. Stop It!!!!!
Week of Feb 25th through
March 3rd, 1998
"It just stands to
reason"What!!! (O'boy) Can it stand by itself or does it have to
stand next to something? GOD'S
word stands alone!!!
Week of Feb 18th through
Feb 24th, 1998
"I am not wired that
way"What!!! Pinocchio might say that, you should not!! God's
greatest creation was not wired together. Loose that mind
Week of Feb 11th through
Feb 17th, 1998
"I was under the
impression" be careful and come away before you
get hurt!! The Word of God revealed to you, it did not put you
under any impression did it???? Loose that expression.......
Week of Feb 4th through
Feb 10th, 1998
"One I oda"
What?? what is that one potato? corn ball speaking? silly
commentary? What??? tell me! Please loose the potato.......
Week of Jan 28th through
Feb 3rd, 1998
"It was on the tip of
my tongue" What was??? and how did it get
Food should be the only thing on the "tip of your tongue" everything else
should come from your mind!!!!
Week of Jan 21st through
Jan 27th, 1998
Do you mean there is more and its better or do you mean its
better and there is more? What exactly do you mean??? Bury
Week of Jan 14th through
Jan 20th, 1998
"then by the other
token" What??? a bus
token?? a train token?? what kind of token and why a token??
Please keep it simple. Don't have your congregation linger
on a though of no importance and miss out on the important
one!!!!! Leave your token at home!
Week of Jan 7th through
Jan 13th, 1998
"I'll be honest with
you"(O'boy) Does that mean dishonesty is sometimes in your
preaching??? I want your honesty all of the time!!!!! Who
Week of Dec 31st through
Jan 6th, 1998
"Its a shame" No its not!! Nothing is a shame!. Loose
that statement, its cheap! and non-meaningful!! be
positive!!! PREACH don't gossip.
Week of Dec 24th through
Dec 30th, 1997
"In the way of
Announcements" Tell me
how did something get in the way!!! Sounds silly dosen't
it?? It is!!! Stop it! Just give the announcements.
Week of Dec 17th through
Dec 23rd, 1997
"Don't you know?"NO that's
why Im here!! Silly question to the unbeliever, of course he
or she does not know, quit rubbing salt into the wound!!!.
Make the statement positive like this, the explanation for
that question is found in..........Don't embarrass the
Week of Dec 10th through
Dec 16th, 1997
"The Christmas story
is found in" No No No! Do not refer to the birth of our Lord and Savior
as the "Christmas story"! The word of God is not a story book! Try
this, The birth of Jesus Christ is found in Luke 2:1-20
Week of Dec 3rd through
Dec 9th, 1997
"it just upsets me!" Well la de da, are you not a messenger of
If the messenger gets
upset what will happen to the message???Let your sermon drop
"it just upsets me!"
Week of Nov 26th, through
Dec 3rd, 1997
"Father be with us"
How many times have you used that statement in your prayer??
Where do you think He is??? If you have accepted Jesus Christ
as Savior and confess your sins he is always with you!!!! Try
this instead, "Father draw us closer to You..."
Week of Nov 19th, through
Nov 25th, 1997
"It dosen't make
sense" make WHAT?, mans sense?, common sense?,
what kind of sense? incense?, dollars & cents?. If it
dosen't make sense why and I repeat why talk
Week of Nov 12th, through
Nov 18th, 1997
"Listen to me now"
You have been speaking for 30 minutes and NOW you want me to
listen.....Nothing important said in the first 30
minutes??..Can't think of any other way to arouse my
attention?? No wonder so many sleep during your sermon...GIVE
UP "Listen to me now"
Week of Nov 5th, through
Nov 11th, 1997
"If you have your
Bible"(No No No) Be positive! IF is a negative word. More Bibles will show up in
churches by being positive!! TAKE YOU
BIBLE needs to replace "If you have your Bible."
Week of Oct 29th through
Nov 4th, 1997
"To tell you the
truth" What have you told me in the past?
lies!.. Where ever you picked this terrible expression up,
please take it back and leave it there!
A minister is though of as always
speaking the truth!
Week of Oct 22nd, 1997
through Oct 28th, 1997
"The thing about it
and it!, what is it?! The subject? I don't know
do you? Get rid of the thing! Think and speak
don't speak and think.
Week of Oct 15th, 1997
through Oct 21st, 1997
"To make a long story
short" Don't!!, I like long
stories. Stop apologizing for part of your sermon. That is
exactly what this means "To make a long story short" Drop the short bit and tell your story in DETAIL.
Week of Oct 8th, 1997
through Oct 14th, 1997
"Let me tell you
something" NO! that would shock you
wouldn't it if someone in your congregation stood up and
"Let me tell you
something" is a poor
crutch for a good speaker. Stand up for Jesus and speak on
your own two feet!
Week of Oct 1st, 1997
through Oct 7th, 1997
"Turn with me now if
you would" Read that
again slowly. "Turn with me
now if you would" Are you listening to yourself? What were
you doing before you asked me to turn with you? DANCING! Try
this, turn in your Bible to---- now isn't that
Week of Sept 24th, 1997
through Sept 30th, 1997
"Then it dawned on me"(O'boy) I hope you didn't get hurt. Have
you forgotten how to say. Then I realized, or I just
remember, or the idea came into my mind. The next time you
get dawn on yourself use cold water!!
Week of Sept 17th, 1997
through Sept 23rd, 1997
"Again" A word
that is Overworked!
If used, it is the same as gasping for
breath. A fill-in word that turns a preacher into a sports
announcer. Lose the word "Again".
Week of Sept 10th, 1997
through Sept 16th, 1997
It doesn't mean (O'boy
comes) "A Hill of Beans"!.Is this suppose to be colorful commentary?
Have you ever in your life seen a "Hill of Beans"? If you want it to be colorful commentaryword it this way, "it doesn't mean a hill of red and black
beans"!. drop the beans!.
Week of Sept 3rd, 1997
through Sept 9th, 1997
You see what I say! WHAT!!you see what I say! O Please, help me up. you don't say that do
you? Do you see what I hear? Than how do you expect me to see what you
say. Stop It!!
Week of Aug 27th, 1997
through Sept 2nd
Your bonus tip is "really"
a bonus tip. Really?
When I hear that word
"really" I lose respect for the speaker. To me its like saying trust
me, trust me, why, do you lie?. "Really"
this and "really" that. Please stop with the word "Really"!!!
Week of Aug 20th, 1997
through Aug 26th
Stop referring to "they"who
are "they"anyhow? Always refer to the work and word of
God. When referring to someone or something in the secular
world be specific, do not say"they
said" or "they say"! who, and I repeat, who is "they"?!.
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